Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Cough, Throw up, Bleed

Last night I was getting ready to do my treatments when I noticed a crackle in my lungs I decided to cough really hard to bring the sputum up instead it threw me into a coughing fit which then induced the need to vomit. After I threw up, I tried to cough again and the result was a glob of bright red blood, I have never coughed up blood before so it was a little shocking.

I coughed up about 2 TBLS and I decided to stop coughing for the night, after that I called my older sister who also has CF to get her advise on the matter, she imparted her wisdom and told me not to do my vest or my Hyper Sal, and call the CF center in the morning.

So this morning thats just what I did...I called the CF center and left a message for my nurse, she got back to me within a few hours and I told her what had happened, she said I did the right thing by not doing my vest or Hyper Sal and to continue to stop them for 24 hrs.

I mentioned to her that I was taking a over the counter Vitamin K and that I didn't know if the dosage was enough, I currently was taking 200 mcg every night. She then told me she would inquire of the Doctor what dosage I should be on. She called me back again within the hour and told me that I need to be taking 500 mg 3x a week.

Thankfully I do not have to work today which very much is a rarity, the confusing part for me is that the week before last my lung collapsed or so it seemed so I made an appt with my Doc.

My PFT's were back up in the 70's and I was doing a lot better, then this week my lungs start bleeding, there probably still is infection in there I don't think it will ever go away I think now we are just trying to keep it under control.

Well these are my physical symptoms, now my mental and spiritual symptoms, after I coughed up the blood my mood became worried and I felt very helpless and the worst feeling of it all is out of control.

For your treatments and everything you do to take care of your self can seem so futile because you know no matter how hard you work it will still continue to take over your body, it's the inevitable.

Spiritually I felt betrayed by God, for allowing these things to happen to me and there is always some type of bitterness in my heart even though I don't want there to be. I didn't read my bible this morning, I think I am just wanting to be distant... like not talking to someone you are upset with. Even though this will only hurt me and is very inmature I am not perfect and I don't claim to be.

I know God always does what is best for me and I believe that with my whole heart I just might not like what He is doing at the time.

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