Saturday, December 6, 2008

You would think hope would be tired, but its alright -Innocence Mission

My vacation was set, everything fell right in order, it had been a 2 year over due getaway which I had planned with my friend Jill. We would leave Friday morning day after Thanksgiving and head down the California coast to SLO for a weekend of R&R.

Not to mention I hadn't had a real Thanksgiving with my Family for 2 years in a row, so I was looking forward to our family gathering with anticipation. My short work week had come to an end and all was looking up despite an infection that decided to make its home in my kidney.

Thursday morning I woke up happy and full of cheer only to jump out of bed and feel a stabbing pain in my side which ran like a band around my waist. Though this pain came on unexpectedly the form and degree of my pain was no stranger to me, it was all to familiar,I was having a pancreatitis attack.

I crawled back in bed to try and coach myself through the pain, because I didn't know the severity of the attack yet. As I lay there the pain didn't subside but only grew worse my breathing became labored and my skin was clammy. I tried to cry but the pain was to great and just some tears came to my eyes. The feeling of death crawled over me as I mustered the strength to get up for some help. My body felt twice its weight and I was becoming emotionally drained.

I finally went through emergency and was in a room on narcotics, when I realized this was the 3rd Thanksgiving in a row that I would not spend with my family. Almost immediately the thought of how thankful I was for my family came into my mind, I thought, "I don't need all that wonderful home cooked food to know that I have so much to be thankful for."

From then on I was determined to thank God while I layed there in that hospital bed, for all the wonderful blessings he has poured upon me.

Though I was thankful bits of self pity and bitterness made there way into my heart and my mind. I tried to pray but I almost felt numb, heartless in way. As if the pain of what I was going through was to great to bear so I was closing my heart off, the only problem is when you close your heart off its not just from the pain but it is also from the gain in which Jesus is trying to bless you with.

For our present sufferings do not compare to the Glory which will be revealed to us.

Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and He will direct your path.

Be anxious for nothing, but through prayer and petition make your request known to God.

When you are on your bed search your heart and be silent, offer up right sacrifices and trust in the Lord, for you alone oh Lord make me dwell in safety.

There is joy in the Lord and there is love in His spirit, there is hope in the knowledge of HIM!!

1 comment:

Nana said...

Sweet Bec,

I am hurting for you, for your physical and mental anguish. I did not realize you had now missed 3 Thanksgivings. You have the right attitude, you do have a very loving family who extends to all of us too. I pray for you quick recovery, and that the vacation will be taken in the spring or summer. Love you much. Nana