So What -Pink

The start of a new year.....I have been very rebellious lately, nothing crazy but just not listening to the voice of the Lord, not doing the things I should. Last Sunday I didn't go to church, which was really a good thing. I was able to sit before the Lord and be still, listen and know that He is God.

I really didn't want to because I felt that when I came back to the throne of the Lord that I would just get a lashing, and I knew this was the voice of the enemy because being at the foot of the cross is the best place for me, so I decided not to listen to the lies, face the punishment and get on with life....but thank God, His ways are not our ways!!

I happened to open to Jeremiah 3:12, "Return backsliding Israel,' says the Lord; I will not cause My anger to fall on you. For I am merciful, says the Lord; I will not remain angry forever. Only acknowledge your iniquity, That you have transgressed against the Lord your God...and have not obeyed My voice, says the Lord."

.......Return oh backsliding children, says the Lord, for I am married to you....vs.19..and you shall call me Father, and not turn away from Me. Surely as a wife treacherously departs from her husband, so have you dealt treacherously with Me.....vs.22.."Return you backsliding children and I will heal your backslidings.

I love when the Lord speaks to me so directly, like I said I didn't really do anything that was super rebellious, but God knows it starts with a matter in your heart, and He will leave the 99 sheep to save the one!!!

A lot has been happening, work is getting more and more stressful, as they keep down sizing more and more and raising the quota, as I was already behind from my sick days in the hospital. I am going to be looking for a new job, because I think I will most likely be on the chopping block.

Leah, is in the hospital, and I always get stressed when that happens, even if I don't realize it. All this stress has been messing with my OCD and anxiety.

Honestly, in my heart I know everything will be ok, and I tell myself this, but my mind and body don't listen!!

I went to the doctor yesterday, and I was having anxiety before my appt. I didn't want to go in the hospital, I had been taking care of myself, and I knew that going into the hospital right now with my job would be the last draw.

Then I blew a great number, and I am very happy at that, I praise the Lord for His mercy and grace. I want to make it through the winter and I want to make it a year without going in the hospital, (for my lungs). It has been 5 1/2 months since the last time. According to the history of my lung behavior it is about every 9 months that I need a tune up. The Lord is faithful his mercy endures forever!!!