I am running my fingers through the strands of my hair allowing the softness to be a therapy to my stressed mind. Doing everything but staying still, in my mind of denial I surround myself with noise so that I can continue to remain numb to my current issues.
When truth rises to view I turn my head and heart in a haste so that I will not have to face, the grace that God gives.
For some reason I am hurting right now, for some odd reason that I can't pin point I am feeling depressed. There is something wrong in my soul for I can feel it disturbed within me.
Instead of trying to address these issues I have been pushing it aside, but as I left it to fester and grow, it has become a tumor of my soul, full of bitterness and doubt.
I have been feeling unmotivated, unsuccessful and unhappy, my problem...a lack of spending time at the feet of Jesus, in my bitterness I subconsciously was giving Jesus the silent treatment. Which in the end only hurt me more than I was to start with; so now I am asking Jesus to forgive me, to take me in His arms and give me the strength to carry on.
Sorry for the depressing blog I just needed to vent a bit
3 comments:
My sweetpea,
I wish I could go thru it for you, but I can't. What you are feeling all of us get once in a while. Then something happens when we give it to the Lord, and slowly, it is gone. I will pray that it is sooner than later. Love you very much. Nana
Rebecca, darling. Grandma & and I love you so much, as do all of your family, and Jesus. We know all we can do is hurt for you, but know Jesus will be there for you and something good will happen in your life; a kind word from a stranger; love from those closest to you; a sucess you didn't count on; but we know it will happen. We love you, more than you know. Grandpa & Grandma
hey Becca,
I love you and am praying for you- and like the previous comments said- we all go through this. I know you know this...but be encouraged that you are not alone. I recently had this time in my life- and I like you- realized that my problem was the same as yours- a lack of spending time at the feet of Jesus. I was so upset at myself for letting myself get despressed...I stopped myself in my tracks and determined in my heart to not continue on that road of depression. I then opened His word and prayed SO hard that He would speak to me and show me something. I ended up in the old testament and read about the Israelites and their disobedience and grumbling and complaining. I was definitely convicted! haha...but just an encouragement to you- TO GET IN the Word. SO important in this walk...
Also something that has really brought my perspective right again was realizing WHO God is- and who I am. I am but a mere dot in His awesome Creation- but He has chosen to love me and bestow blessings upon me. I stopped and was humbled in the sight of WHO He is and realized that HE IS EVERYTHING. Nothing else truly matters in this life. I LIVE, MOVE and BREATHE for Him and because of Him. I pray the Lord would speak to you in this time Becca. May you have that time to really just SIT at His feet and pour your heart out to Him. Be honest with Him and cry out to Him. I pray that you are able afterwards to have just a sweet time of Worship with your Savior also. I love you so much Becca and thank God for you sister!
See ya soon,
Bethany
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