Monday, March 29, 2010

The beginning is the end and the end is the beginning.

Another goodbye and another tear falls from my eye and the older I get the more this happens, I guess this happens to everyone as they get older but not at 26yrs old. I realize more and more everyday that my time on earth is running out. It scares me because my life just seems to be beginning and the end is getting clearer and clearer.

It reminds me of a thought I had once, being this healthy and now getting sick so quick is like putting chocolate in your mouth and just as you are about to chew it is forced to be spit out.

There is something that I have been learning from this wonderful man in my life named Kyle, he has showed me that it is better to love with all of your heart for just a little bit then not at all.

Loving had been something I was scared of and I didn't know that about myself until I met Kyle, I remember realizing that I loved him when I got scared that I would lose him. I felt like breaking up with him because I didn't think I could bear losing him and being sick but everybody dies and anyone could die at anytime. Does that mean I shouldn't love people because they will die?

I knew that wasn't right and knew that wasn't how I wanted to live because that isn't living at all!

Each day I try to love a little more and to give myself a little more then the day before. I am trying not to hide behind this wall of fear, the fear of losing. I am trying to focus on, "that to die is to gain and for me to live is Christ." I know I said that verse backwards but that is how I feel my life is, it is a little backwards.

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